“What’s Women’s History Month?”

Solely for satirical purposes

I have recently been informed that March is more than just the host month for March Madness; it holds a deeper meaning. March is in fact, Women’s History Month. My whole life, we have been getting a month, unbeknown to me. What is mind-boggling to me is why do we need a month? Or even a day, for that matter? 

We women have it so easy. All we need to do is dress revealingly for men to cater to our every need. I’m not sure why women are surprised at the harassment they receive, when you see that men cannot help themselves. When we wear lipstick or do our hair, men just can not resist. And we can’t expect them to. Everything we women do is to attract men’s attention, after all. 

Moreover, I am bewildered when women are outraged at the lack of respect they receive in the workplace. When they take “maternity leave,” or what I like to call free vacation, they don’t deserve respect. Babies practically raise themselves, all you need to do is to watch them 24/7, and maybe change their diaper or feed them a couple of times if the need presents itself. If they are not focused on the company goals and willing to commit themselves the way a man would, then that’s the reason for a wage gap. 

I feel as if we females get everything handed to us on a silver platter. I mean, they give out free products in the women’s restroom that they don’t even have in the men’s restrooms. Females are the ones who want equality, so if they can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. We’re expected to hold doors open for them, as opposed to letting us work for themselves. Common theme with the females. 

Then again, women can just wake up as different people through makeup; we have it so easy. Wear enough makeup to look presentable, because how terrible would it be if you looked tired. However, not too much makeup where you look like a “cake face” or a “catfish”. It’s important to be natural while remaining polished. Wear red lipstick, and you asked for it. Go without a lip tint, and you’re unkept and exhausted. 

These days, it feels as if everything is an offense to females, but honestly, there’s a reason that men get promoted more than women. They are just naturally more assertive and command attention better. It’s definitely not because they are unfairly rated with “having a lower leadership potential than men,” according to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. While it’s true women are 14 percent less likely to get promoted, we know females don’t desire a larger workload and more responsibilities. Too many brain cells going towards maintaining their perfect figure, not enough to help grow a company, just a child.  Plus, there must be a reason for this statistic. 

And another thing, why can’t we say “I hate women,” the way the females say “I hate men”? It’s exactly the same; it is not as if there is proof that men really do hate women. I mean, what statistics can back that up? 

Women are always complaining: gender pay gap, the pink tax, this and that. So what if some of our basic necessities are more expensive than the male complement, purely because it’s a female marketed product? At least the wage gap is only 18 cents; it’s not even that much. To be honest, these females just need to work harder to make up for those cents.  

This Women’s History Month, we need women who can stop complaining. We need women who use the pay gap as an opportunity to work harder. We need women who are willing to do the same work, if not more than their male counterparts, and get paid less. That’s the feminine energy we need to tap into.